| (no subject) |
[Nov. 21st, 2005|06:09 am] |
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After 4 years, I still continue to amaze myself |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 3rd, 2005|10:41 am] |
This is a public service announcement
Sponsored by Just Blaze and the good folks at Roc-A-Fella Records
"Fellow Americans, it is with the utmost pride and sincerity
that I present this recording, as a living testiment and recollection
of history in the making during our generation."
[Jay-Z]
Allow me to re-introduce myself
My name is Hov', OH, H-to-the-O-V
I used to move snowflakes by the O-Z
I guess even back then you can call me
CEO of the R-O-C, Hov'!
Fresh out the fryin pan into the fire
I be the, music biz number one supplier
Flyer/flier than a piece of paper bearin my name
Got the hottest chick in the game wearin my chain, that's right
Hov', OH - not D.O.C.
But similar to them letters, "No One Can Do it Better"
I check cheddar like a food inspector
My homey Strict told me, "Dude finish your breakfast"
So that's what I'ma do, take you back to the dude
with the Lexus, fast-forward the jewels and the necklace
Let me tell you dudes what I do to protect this
I shoot at you actors like movie directors [laughing]
This ain't a movie dog (oh shit)
"Now before I finish, let me just say
I did not come here to show out, did not come here to impress you
Because to tell you the truth when I leave here I'm GONE!
And I don't care WHAT you think about me - but just remember,
when it hits the fan brother, whether it's next year, ten years,
twenty years from now, you'll never be able to say
that these brothers lied to you JACK!"
[Jay-Z]
Ving ain't lie
I done came through the block in everything that's fly
I'm like, Che Guevara with bling on, I'm complex
I never claimed to have wings on
Nigga I get mine - by any means on whenever there's a drought
Get your umbrellas out because, that's when I brainstorm
You can blame Shawn, but I ain't invent the game
I just rolled the dice, tryin to get some change
And I do it twice, ain't no sense in me
lyin as if, I am a different man
And I could blame my environment but
there ain't no reason why I be buyin expensive chains
Hope you don't think users are the only abusers niggaz
Gettin high within the game
If you do then, how would you explain?
I'm ten years removed, still the vibe is in my veins
I got a hustler spirit, nigga period
Check out my hat yo, peep the way I wear it
Check out my swag' yo, I walk like a ballplayer
No matter where you go, you are what you are player
And you can try to change but that's just the top layer
Man, you was who you was 'fore you got here
Only God can judge me, so I'm gone
Either love me, or leave me alone |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 23rd, 2005|06:07 pm] |
| Your Sagittarius Drinking Style |
 In vino veritas -- and, for you, in booze blurtiness.
When battered, you'll spill all your friends' secrets and many of your own.
Tactlessness aside, you are just plain fun to drink with.
You are under the sign of serious partying (what else would you expect from the sign of Sinatra, Keith Richards, the Bush twins and Anna Nicole Smith)?
You're the person who chat up everyone in the room, then persuades the entire crowd to travel somewhere else -- like a nightclub, or a playground, or Cancun.
Good-natured hijinks are sure to ensue (including a high possibility of loopy groping; a spontaneous Sag like you is a brilliant booty call). | | Your Signature Cocktails | | A travel-loving sign, Sagittarius might be intrigued by drinks like Moscow mules, Singapore slings -- perhaps even a Long Island iced tea (not a bad option, given how much you can put away and still stay vertical). Party monster that you are, you're attracted to shots, like the ever-popular lemon drop. You rules pears, and you could use a nice pear cider right about now, come to think of it. | | Your Celebrity Drinking Buddies | | Britney Spears, The Bush twins, Margaret Cho, Lucy Liu, Brad Pitt, Anna Nicole Smith, Jay-Z, and Jake Gyllenhaal. |
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| Dedicated to Steve Lopez... |
[Apr. 30th, 2005|03:04 am] |
"When I'm alone in my room sometimes I stare at the wall
and in the back of my mind I hear my conscience call
Telling me I need a girl who's as sweet as a dove
for the first time in my life, I see I need love
There I was giggling about the games
that I had played with many hearts, and I'm not saying no names
Then the thought occured, tear drops made my eyes burn
as I said to myself look what you've done to her
I can feel it inside, I can't explain how it feels
all I know is that I'll never dish another raw deal
Playing make believe pretending that I'm true
holding in my laugh as I say that I love you
Saying amor kissing you on the ear
whispering I love you and I'll always be here
Although I often reminsce I can't believe that I found
a desire for true love floating around
Inside my soul because my soul is cold
one half of me deserves to be this way till I'm old
But the other half needs affection and joy
and the warmth that is created by a girl and a boy
I need love
I need love"
The Man known as "Ladies Love Cool James" |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 28th, 2005|02:48 am] |
wow, havent written anything meaningful in here in a while, but i still probably won't, at least right now
The rain has returned to LA, i can hear it outside
tomorrow last day of classes! yes. next week, end of sememster
December end of school....wow |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 1st, 2005|01:08 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
| [ | music |
| | no idea. ask me tomorrow and i wont kniow. even though the lyrics are right here | ] |
I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
And true, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home
They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay
They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay
I tried my best to leave this all on your
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded
Thin upon listening
And that frankly will not fly. You will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home
They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay
They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,'
They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' |
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| A day in the life of Bert, circa 2002 |
[Mar. 25th, 2005|02:51 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jimmy Eat World - Work | ] |
Written on March 12, 2002
Life is never fair. Just when you think you've got it all, sometime pops up and you realize you're not gonna get it. That's a tough realization. We're taught at a young age that you can achieve anything you want as long as you work hard and try your best. Well, that hard work and best effort sometimes doesn't pay off. Its tough to admit to one's self that you've been defeated by something greater. Sometimes you've just got to accept that small, walk-on cameo instead of the starrring role. That's a tough pill to swollow, but it must be done. Sometimes it hurts to come to the realization that life is unfair, I mean we live in a world where "fair and just" are exuded from ever aspect of life. However, this simply cannot be. Understanding one's role is important; I mean sure everyone wants to be that star, but someone has to be the lesser role. Those who reject that lower status will find out that crying and bitching really doesn't do a thing. But who said being a role player is bad? Even that little cameo role in a movie gets his/her one scene. Sure it might last for less then 30 seconds, but isn't it better to have experienced the stage then to not have at all. I enjoyed my 30 seconds. I bathed in all its greatness, for I knew the opportunity would probably never surmise again. The best part is that you'll always have that one shining moment that no one can take away. Even past the aspect of roles, to actually speak your role is much harder then it seems. Its important to express exactly how you feel on a subject, yet its hard to deal with the fact that for as much as you express, you might not be heard. The worse aspect is when your idea has been exposed, and no action is taken. I find myself at this point. The scene was created, the camera was rolling, and I played the part perfectly, yet once my part was done, I made no attempt to further myself. Life's funny in that when we strive for greatness, we sometimes forget what it was that we started looking for. Sometimes getting in too deep is worse then not getting in at all. At least the chances look better when looking from the outside of the box then from looking from the inside.
Wow, i was kinda of a genius back then. who would actually know that my ass could see a bad situation and still stay in it? Thinkin back on it, i was aiming recklessly for 5+ years. but thats done. im smarter now. i think. haha. dman i was really sad at the time, but most of it was true, not all for me at the time, a little "overstated" probably because i was getting high for one of the first times and trying to write like a stud or Hunter S Thompson, but i was on to something. I've did the quick scene two or three times, and it was kinda shitty. sucks. but hey, i was right about the life being unfair thing. |
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| Life's on the ups, I know it. Big things to come. |
[Mar. 23rd, 2005|11:41 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | S. Carter- Can't Knock The Hustle [Feat. Mary J. Blige] | ] |
"Can't knock the Hustle"
I'm makin short term goals,whonder whether foes
just put away the leathers and put ice on the gold
chilly with enough bail money to free a big willy
high stakes, i got more at stake than philly
shoppin sprees, copin three, duece fever i guess its fully loaded,
ah yes,
bouncin in the lex luger, tires smoke like buddha
50 g's to the crap shooter,
niggas can't fade me
chrome socks beamin, through my periphial i see ya schemin
stop dreamin',i leave ya body steamin
niggas is feenin, whats the meanin
i'm leanin on any nigga intervenin with the sound of my money machine-in
my cuff runnin over with hundreds
im one of the best niggas that done it
six digits and runnin,
y'all niggas don't want it
i got the godfather flow, the don juan demarco
swear to god, don't get it fucked up
[Mary j. blige(chorus)]
takin out this time
to give you a piece of my mind
(cause you can't knock the hustle)
but though you think you are
baby one day you'll be a star
that scene out of state where i drop my slang
i'm deep in the south kickin up top game
bouncin on the highway switchin 4 lanes
screamin through the sun roof money ain't a thang
your worst fear confirmed,
me and my fam roll tight like the firm
gettin down for life, thats right, you better learn
why play with fire, burn
we get together like a choir
to acquire what we desire
we do dirt like worms
produce g's like sperm
til legs spread like germs
i got extensive hoes, with expensive clothes
and i sip wine, and spit vintage flows
but y'all don't know......
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
cause you can't knock the hustle
[Mary J.Blige]
but until that day then
i'm the one whose crazy
cause thats the way ya makin me feel
(cause you can't knock the hustle)
i'm just tryin to get mine,
i don't have the time
to knock the hustle for real
y'all niggas lunchin, punchin a clock
my function is lo make much 'n' lay back munchin
sippin remy on rocks, my crew
somethin to watch nothin to stop
un...
...stoppable
scheme on the ice, i gotta hide your crew
i gotta
let you niggas know the time like movado
my motto,
stack rocks like colorado
bottle off the champagne, cristals by the bottle
its a damn shame what ya knot though
me
slick like i got though (who?)
fuckin Jay-Z
pops knew exactly what he did when he made me
tried to get a nut and he got a nut and what
straight banana's
can a nigga, see me
got the US Open, advantage jigga
serve like sampras, play fake a rappers like a campus
(netigra???), son you're to eager
you ain't havin it? good, me either
lets get together and make this whole world believers
at my araignment, screamin
all these blacks got is sports and entertainment, until we even
thievin, as long as i'm breathin
can't knock the way a nigga eatin
fuck you even
[Mary J. Blige]
takin out this time
to give you a piece of my mind
but though you think you are
baby one day you'll be a star
but until that day then
i'm the one whose crazy
cause thats the way ya makin me feel,
i'm just tryin to get mine, i don't have the time
to knock the hustle for real |
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| I love Brownies! Someone make me some! |
[Mar. 12th, 2005|01:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  high | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jimmy Eat World - A Praise Chorus | ] |
Are you gonna live your life wonderin’ standing in the back lookin’ around?
Are you gonna waste your time thinkin' how you’ve grown up or how you missed out?
Things are never gonna be the way you want.
Where's it gonna get you acting serious?
Things are never gonna be quite what you want.
Or even at 25, you gotta start sometime.
I’m on my feet, I’m on the floor, I’m good to go.
Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.
I wanna fall in love tonight.
Are you gonna live your life standing in the back looking around?
Are you gonna waste your time?
Gotta make a move or you'll miss out.
Someone's gonna ask you what it’s all about.
Stick around nostalgia won't let you down.
Someone's gonna ask you what it’s all about.
Whatcha gonna have to say for yourself?
I’m on my feet, I’m on the floor, I’m good to go.
Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.
I wanna fall in love tonight.
Crimson and clover, over and over.
Crimson and clover, over and over.
Our house in the middle of the street, why did we ever meet?
Started my rock 'n roll fantasy.
Don't don't, don't let's start, why did we ever part?
Kick start my rock 'n rollen heart.
I’m on my feet, I’m on the floor, I’m good to go.
So come on Davey, sing me somethin’ that I know.
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine.
I wanna fall in love tonight.
Here tonight.
I wanna always feel like part of this was mine
I wanna fall in love tonight. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 11th, 2005|01:38 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Face To Face - You Lied | ] |
There's nothing here inside of these walls
I feel like I am so far away
Nothing's changed
And I just can't be who I'm supposed to be
I let the past control my life
It brings me to my knees
And I can not hide
I can not lie
So many words to say and no one to hear
Why did you go away?
I needed you more today that I ever did
You lied to me
Outside it's cold
It chills to the bone
I wish that I did not have to see
I let the past control my life
It brings me to my knees
And I can not hide
I can not lie
So many words to say and no one to hear
Why did you go away?
I needed you more today that I ever did
You lied to me |
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| The difference in friends |
[Feb. 2nd, 2005|01:55 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | enthralled | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Jay-Z And Linkin Park - Numb/Encore (Live) | ] |
A good friend would tell you right on for the good night of drinking and overall enjoyment
But a real friend like my boy Brandon would wake up, compliment you on your creation of a Tuesday Beer Pong team, and suggest exactly how to finish up the night.
See, thats the difference between most people. They get stuck with shitty "good" friends, but all i got real friends.
Steve Lopez. Not one. Because he's gay. And fat. And an FBI agent. |
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| "Those Goobacks took our JOBS!" |
[Jan. 23rd, 2005|11:03 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 106.7 KROQ | ] |
LAYER ONE: On The Outside
- Name: Mr. Roberto Gonzalez
- Nickname: Bert, 8-5, RoGo, RA, Teddy Ballgame, The Sultan of Swat, King of Cool, "the black Frank Wright", Tony Yayo, and sometimes Pedro
- Birthplace: Redwood City, CA
- Current Location: Los Angeles
- Eye Color: Bitchin Brown
- Hair Color: brown
- Height: 5'11
- Righty or Lefty: Righty
- Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius
LAYER TWO: On The Inside
- Your heritage: I'm Mexican..............and white
- Who you look like: A mix of Denzel Washington, Brad Pitt, and Elvis Presley(before he got hooked on drugs)
- Your weakness: rolled up swishers and cheap booze
- Your fears: Flying.
- Your perfect pizza: One that I don't have to share with Steve, that would have susuage and pineapple
LAYER THREE: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
- Your most overused phrase on messenger: Dude
- Your thoughts first waking up: Pull yourself together Bert, you made it another day
- Your best physical feature: My hamstrings
- Your bedtime: 2 am
- Your most missed: My youth
LAYER FOUR: Your Pick
- Pepsi or Coke: Coke.
- McDonald's or Burger King: Mcdonalds
- Single or group dates: Wow, I dunno, I'd have to say the more the marrier
- Adidas or Nike: Nike
- Cappuccino or coffee: Chronic
LAYER FIVE: Do You?
- Smoke:
- Sing: I'm a Karaoke Revolution stud
- Have a crush: Not at the current time
- Think you've been in love: Nope, there wasn't any sex invovled
- Like high school: Yup
- Want to get married: Yes.
- Believe in yourself: If I don't, then who will
- Get motion sickness: Nope.
- Think you're attractive: Oh yeah
- Think you're a health freak: Nah
- Get along with your parents: Yep
- Like thunderstorms: Sure
- Play an instrument: The tamborine
LAYER SIX: In the past month...
- Drank alcohol: Yes.
- Smoked: Yes
- Done a drug: Roofies
- Gone to the mall: Nope.
- Cried: Nope.
- kissed someone you didn?t want to: Close, but no
- Been on stage: No
- Gone skating: Nope.
- Gone skinny dipping: No pool to skinny dip in.
- Dyed your hair: Yeah, red
- Stolen anything: Only Matt Henry's hearts
LAYER SEVEN: Ever:
- Played a game that required removal of clothing: Yes.
- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: (smirk)
- Been caught "doing something": Sure, I've been caught smoking, doing my homework, drinking, but not the one ur thinkin of i bet
- Been called a tease: No.
- Gotten beaten up: By two Crips comin from Jim Jones' party
- Shoplifted: NO
LAYER EIGHT: Getting Older
- Age you hope to be married: i dunno, whenever steve or brandon's girls are on the rebound maybe
- Numbers and Names of Children: 11, as long as each can play a different position on both sides of the football
- Describe your dream wedding: bottles of Cris everywhere, one of them fat ass "player's ball" on HBO looking setup, everyone in those suits from Dumb and Dumber, probably in Vegas
- How do you want to die: In a tragic landscaping incident, or when im alsleep, cuz i dont wanna be bothered with that shit
- What do you want to be when you grow up: Some super famous lawyer who's runnin the country
- What country would you most like to visit: Ethiopia, I wanna see Chase Ramirez's hometown of Kachabula
LAYER NINE: In a partner
- Best eye color: Green
- Hair color: Brown
- Short or long hair: That one middle length
- height: Any height.
- weight: Not Chase thin or Steve fat, I like natural beauty.
- Best articles of clothing: i dunno, pants?
LAYER TEN: In The Numbers...
- Number of people I could trust with my life: not enough to need your hands and toes to count
- Number of CDs that I own: 50+
- Number of DVDs that I own: 50+
- Number of piercings: None.
- Number of tattoos: None as of now
- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Handful of times
- Number of things in my past that I regret: couple things |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 18th, 2005|10:19 pm] |
Who shot ya?
I hate people who can't respond back to you, its terrible..... |
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| A return to the Southland and to the LJ World |
[Jan. 13th, 2005|01:15 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | 2Pac - Ambitionz Az a Ridah | ] |
Well, my holiday break in the area I love to call home, Northern California and more specificially Fremont, has ended and I am not back in the grunt world that is SoCal. Break was fun. Very odd, not really what I wanted, and highly suspect, but fun in its own sense. Coming home made me realize a few sad truths
1) Brandon not living in Fremont sucks. Then again, I'm sure he felt the same way with me in LA. Can't hate the player, gotta hate the game
2) People are constantly changing, one minute you're rocking a giantic fro, the next you're clean shaven (after an 18 month hiatus, I visited the barber shop)
3) I am a terrible influence on some people, and my own recklessness is gonna be my downfall
New Years was fantastic. Except for Steve puking on himself. Or finding Tricia all alone and helpless outside. Or finding Matt dead in Brandon's backyard, face down on the concrete. Or maybe it was seeing people I hadn't seen in so long all grown up and gettin down. Beer pong with Brandon and Bri-lyer was reminded me of that ill-faded Spring weekend last year. Watchin Chase try to mack on girls, hilarious. Watching Megan drunk as shit. Priceless. And getting drunk and driving to AM-PM at 5:30 with a blunt burning. That my friend, that is the classic me. I hadn't seen all this develop in front of me at the time, but the night was quite fulfilling. More on that later.
USC winning its second consecutive national championship. Fucking awesome. Its real nice to go to a kickass football school that DOMINATES everyone. That's right, I said it. Anyone who disagrees can go fist themselves.
Back to New Years. I remember, or I semi-recall, feeling a little let down. I mean, I had all my buddies there, the liquor was flowing, but something seemed a tad bit lacking. It wasnt so much me as it was the place. The foosball table was broken, and that made me sad.
LA has been a trip coming back. No one really recognizes me with my short hair, so it kinda nice walking around unnoticed and relaxed. Good times. I still havent gotten around to going out this week, mostly because Im still adjusting to the new schedule. Kinda sucks, but being 21 means, in the words of Charile, "I got the Golden Ticket...."
Other then all this, nothing is new. Nothing really. And if anyone out there has heard of the Facebook, man that thing is fantastic. Seeing all the peoples in high school who either
a) I hated, b) They hated me c) you had no idea about them or d) you always wondered about, is quite fascinating. Quite hilarious, and quite fondly remembered as some people who still don't have a fucking clue of whats goin on.
Go Fuck Yourself Matt Henry/Steve Lopez/insert your name here.
Sincerely, me |
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| Leinart Helps USC Overwhelm Oklahoma for National Title |
[Jan. 5th, 2005|12:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | happy | ] |
Trojans QB Tosses Orange Bowl Record Five TDs in 55-19 Rout
By RALPH D. RUSSO, AP SPORTS
MIAMI (Jan. 4) - Matt Leinart and his Southern California teammates bounced around the end zone, then broke into a victory dance.
The celebration was on - and it was only halftime.
Playing to perfection, the Heisman Trophy winner threw a record five touchdown passes and the Trojans overwhelmed Oklahoma 55-19 Tuesday night in the Orange Bowl, ending the season just as they started: No. 1.
"I think we proved tonight that we are the No. 1 team in the country without a doubt,'' Leinart said. "No doubt.''
Even better, there's no one they have to share it with.
The much-anticipated battle of unbeatens, No. 1 vs. No. 2, turned into a coronation for USC, which had to settle for a share of the national championship last year after being left out of the Bowl Championship Series title game.
"We didn't expect it to be this easy, but the game went our way from the beginning,'' USC coach Pete Carroll said. "I was a little surprised.''
That was no consolation for unbeaten Auburn, the odd team out of the BCS title game this season.
The Tigers (13-0) stated their case with a 16-13 victory over Virginia Tech in the Sugar Bowl on Monday night and could have done no worse than Oklahoma against Southern Cal. But they finished second in the final Associated Press poll.
USC became the first team to repeat as AP national champions since Nebraska in 1994-95 and joined Florida State in 1999 as the only teams to go wire-to-wire - from preseason to post bowls - as No. 1.
"I think they're great, and they sure proved it,'' Oklahoma coach Bob Stoops said. "We just got whupped.''
Auburn coach Tommy Tuberville was on hand to witness the rout in a game he believed his team should have been playing in.
"It's a little empty feeling,'' said Tuberville, who was at the game. "You want to have some kind of recognition. I'm going to take my own poll.
"I'd like to play the winner of this game,'' he said at halftime, trying to be kind because by then the winner was hardly in doubt.
USC was shut out of last season's BCS title game, despite topping both the AP Top 25 and coaches' poll at the end of the regular season. The BCS computer rankings favored Oklahoma, even though the Sooners lost the Big 12 title game 35-7.
Oklahoma then washed out in the BCS championship game, losing to LSU in the Sugar Bowl 21-14 to give the Tigers the top spot in the coaches' poll.
The Trojans wrapped up their 2003 national title three days before the BCS championship game by beating Michigan 28-14 in the Rose Bowl.
They didn't have to wait for their trophy this season.
With the aide of four Oklahoma turnovers, the Trojans (13-0) ambushed the Sooners (12-1) with 38 points in the final 20 minutes of the first half.
The first meeting of Heisman winners couldn't have been more one-sided. Leinart set an Orange Bowl record with his five scoring tosses and Jason White spent another BCS title game running for his life.
Oklahoma's Heisman winner finished 24-of-36 for 244 yards with three interceptions and two touchdowns.
"They were prepared to play and came out to play and we didn't,'' White said.
Leinart was 18-of-35 for 332 yards and he had the USC band playing "Fight On'' all night. The laid-back Californian who replaced Carson Palmer became the first Heisman winner to win a national title since Michigan's Charles Woodson in 1997.
Leinart looked nothing like the overrated quarterback for an average offense, as Oklahoma defensive end Larry Birdine described him.
"They were talking a lot of mess all month,'' USC defensive Frostee Rucker said. "We heard it.''
Leinart tossed four scores in the first half as the Trojans turned an early 7-0 deficit into a 38-10 halftime lead.
And when the demolition had ended, the Trojans grooved in the end zone as Outkast's 'Hey Yeah' blared through Pro Player Stadium. Meanwhile, the Sooners trudged off having already allowed more points in a bowl game than any team in school history.
Leinart shrugged off Birdine's comment and played great in what could be his farewell to college football. The junior could be a top pick in the next NFL Draft.
He also got plenty of help. The Trojans reached a season high for points and turned the game into a USC highlight reel, with Leinart making pinpoint passes and his receivers making spectacular catches.
Steve Smith caught an Orange Bowl record three touchdowns, LenDale White ran for 118 yards and two scores and the USC's defense smothered Oklahoma's freshman sensation Adrian Peterson.
Peterson, the Heisman runner-up, managed just 82 yards on 25 carries.
Senior Mark Bradley made a freshman mistake that set off one of those USC runs that have done in so many opponents during the Trojans' 22-game winning streak.
The Sooners' most versatile player and the son of former Oklahoma quarterback Danny Bradley tried to scoop up a punt that had bounced inside the Oklahoma 5. Collin Ashton grabbed on to Bradley, the ball squirted away and USC recovered at the 6.
Bradley trudged back to the sideline, where he received some pats on the head and back.
His mood no doubt worsened on the next play, when LenDale White reached the ball over the goal line to give the Trojans a 14-7 lead late in the first quarter.
USC made it 21 straight points with the help of Oklahoma's second turnover. Under pressure, White heaved a deep ball into quadruple-coverage and Jason Leach came up with USC's 20th interception of the season.
Then the Trojans went to work on Oklahoma freshman cornerback Marcus Walker with their own star freshman, Dwayne Jarrett.
The 6-foot-5 Jarrett went over the 5-11 Walker for an 18 yard gain on third-and-8.
Walker ended up in no-man's land on the next play. He looked like he wanted to blitz but stopped. Meanwhile, Jarrett ran straight down the sideline and hauled in a perfect throw from Leinart for a 54-yard score.
The USC deluge continued.
White was upended while throwing and was picked off by Eric Wright deep in Sooners territory.
This time Leinart found Smith alone in the end zone from 5 yards out, to cap a four-touchdown barrage.
In a span of 10:10, USC turned a 7-0 deficit into a 28-7 lead that left the Sooners looking dumbfounded.
Oklahoma drove for a field goal on the next possession, but all it did was give USC enough time to catch its breath.
Reggie Bush ripped off a 33-yard run to start the Trojans on their way and Leinart again picked on a secondary that looked like Oklahoma's soft spot much of the season.
Leinart went deep to Smith, who hauled in a 33-yarder while hitting the ground to make it 35-10.
Carroll greeted Leinart with a hug after the left-hander's fourth touchdown pass. Leinart gave a sly grin as he glanced up at the scoreboard.
Oklahoma's season-high fourth turnover, led to Ryan Killeen's 44-yard field goal just before halftime.
An aching White trudged into and then limped through the Sugar Bowl last year. But he was spry and agile against the Trojans at the start.
He rolled out, scrambled and stepped up in the pocket while completing four of his first five passes for 75 yards. He finished the 92-yard TD drive by zipping a 5-yarder to Travis Wilson.
Leinart answered quickly, hitting four straight and finding Dominique Byrd deep down the middle for a spinning, one-handed 33-yard touchdown. It was the first touchdown the Sooners had allowed in four games.
And it would only get worse from there for Oklahoma.
01-05-05 02:20 EST
Copyright 2005 The Associated Press. The information contained in the AP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Associated Press. All active hyperlinks have been inserted by AOL. |
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| Why I love USC |
[Dec. 29th, 2004|09:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
On Nov. 6, 1869, a group of boys from Rutgers and Princeton tussled on a New Jersey field and called it football. The tapes are lost, but Keith Jackson is believed to have called his first fummm-bllllllle that day.
On Jan. 4th in Miami, we could witness the apex of 135 years of gridiron evolution. We could see college football polished to its brightest sheen, played at its highest level, amid its grandest buildup.
That's an outrageous amount of hype to lay on a single game, yet it just might be appropriate. We can debate whether Oklahoma-USC in the Orange Bowl stands to be the biggest bowl game of all time -- but in terms of star players, accomplished coaches, old-school tradition and present-day dominance, there is no doubting its justified place in the argument.
"There hasn't been a bowl game like this that I can remember," said a man who has seen a few huge ones, former Sooners coaching legend Barry Switzer. "This is special. I think this is the biggest one."
Former Trojans coaching hero John Robinson, likewise a veteran of a few Armageddon games, lines up alongside Switzer.
"They talk about that Oklahoma-Nebraska game (in 1971) being the Game of the Century," Robinson said. "I think this definitely has the makings of another one like that. I don't know if you can get a better prelude."
You can't. The prelude is unparalleled.
When else have two Heisman Trophy winners played against each other as collegians?
Answer: Never. When Matt Leinart and Jason White hook up in Pro Player Stadium, history will be made.
When else have 80 percent of the top five Heisman vote getters convened on the same field?
Answer: Never. Between Leinart, White, Reggie Bush and Adrian Peterson, we have more marquee names than "Ocean's Twelve."
When else have two teams with a combined 13 wire-service national titles met in a bowl game to decide another championship?
Answer: Never. USC, with six, reeks of old money. Oklahoma, with seven, reeks even more.
When was the last time two coaches who already own national titles met in a de facto championship bowl game?
Answer: Nineteen years ago, when Barry Switzer and Oklahoma defeated Joe Paterno and Penn State in the Orange Bowl. Pete Carroll and Bob Stoops haven't been in their current positions for long, but they haven't wasted any time winning titles, either.
When else have two teams gone the entire season ranked 1-2 in every poll, then met in a bowl game?
Answer: Never. This was the game everyone wanted to see in August, and it's the game everyone is going to see in January.
So you can understand why it's hard to find peers for this Orange Bowl. There have been six matchups of unbeaten, untied teams in bowl games in the last 30 years. Four of them are worth noting, but none measures up on paper to this game.
You might mention Miami-Ohio State and their Fiesta Bowl classic from just two years ago, but the underdog Buckeyes had the benefit of sneaking in from slightly off radar (No. 13 preseason, and not a permanent top five team until November). You could nominate the Miami-Alabama 1993 Sugar Bowl, but the Crimson Tide was of similar Cinderella status to Ohio State '02 -- and besides, we're talking about "only" nine combined wire-service national titles for those schools at that point. You can discuss the Penn State-Miami Fiesta Bowl of 1987, when the Hurricanes wore combat fatigues around Tempe and Vinny Testaverde kept throwing interceptions, but Miami was still a nascent powerhouse at that point. The same argument diminishes the Miami-Nebraska 1984 Orange Bowl classic, when the Hurricanes upset one of the most overpowering teams in college history.
To find a worthy competitor to this Orange Bowl you have to trace back 31 years, to New Year's Eve 1973. That's when Notre Dame met Alabama in a Sugar Bowl still vividly remembered by all who saw it.
The game matched two powerhouse institutions, led by two coaching giants. Notre Dame's Ara Parseghian was in the twilight of his career, on his way to retirement after the following season. Alabama's Bear Bryant was in his final decade, but at the height of his power. The Crimson Tide was ranked No. 1, the Fighting Irish No. 3. Tulane Stadium could scarcely contain all the tradition and anticipation.
The game itself, a 24-23 Notre Dame victory, was a thriller, with six lead changes. History has wrapped it in a gauzy softness that obscures the startlingly sloppy pay: each side missed an extra point, Notre Dame missed two field goals, and there were nine fumbles -- five of them lost.
We'll have to wait and see whether this game is played on a higher plane. But by every unit of measurement, the Sooners and Trojans are extraordinarily well-matched.
USC has been ranked No. 1 in the AP poll for 17 straight weeks, the third-longest streak ever, and have been in the AP top 10 their past 31 games. The Sooners have been in the top 10 for 51 of their past 52 games, dating back to October 2000.
Both have had dominant 2004 seasons. While occasionally pushed -- USC by Cal and Stanford, Oklahoma by Texas A&M and Oklahoma State -- neither needed any come-from-behind heroics in the last possession to remain unbeaten. Each team entered the final six minutes of every game with the lead, and each trailed just once entering the fourth period.
"Both teams are going to be pressured, and they haven't been pressured much," Robinson said. "In the last two years, SC has only been pressured by Cal. SC hasn't had to come up with one of those big finishes to win. ... Those great offenses can get jittery when it's not all going their way. That might be the case in this game."
But how can you tell the offenses -- or the defenses -- apart? Stylistically they're different, yet their statistical profiles are nearly identical. USC averages 442.8 yards per game offensively and 36.8 points; Oklahoma averages 469.6 yards and 36.1 points. USC allows only 271.6 yards and 12.5 points; Oklahoma surrenders just 280.2 yards and 13.7 points.
The quarterbacks with the matching Heismans also have near-matching stats over their two-year starting runs as the most acclaimed QBs in the country. In that time, Leinart has completed 506 passes, White 509. Leinart has thrown 779 passes, White 805. Leinart has thrown for 6,546 yards, White for 6,807. Leinart has 66 touchdowns and 15 interceptions, White has 73 and 16. Leinart is 23-1 as the starting QB over two seasons, White is 24-2.
The running backs are an intriguing contrast in style. Bush and LenDale White are about as different as can be -- White the between-the-tackles hammer, Bush the open-space scatback who can kill a team running, receiving or returning kicks. Their combined rushing total of 1,818 yards nearly equals the work of Oklahoma freshman Peterson. He's a classic I-formation runner, with a beguiling combination of speed and strength and preternatural vision and feet. But don't forget the Sooners' other back, Kejuan Jones, who had 500 rushing yards, five touchdowns and 20 receptions.
And then there are the competing units. USC is working on a school-record streak of 38 straight games scoring 20 or more points. Since lockdown cornerback Antonio Perkins returned from injury, Oklahoma has given up a total of six points in its last three games.
On offense, the Sooners have rolled seven straight games scoring 30 or more points and averaged 37 points per game in that time. The Trojans' defense, meanwhile, ranks nationally in the top 10 in every major category: second in scoring defense, second in rush defense, seventh in pass efficiency defense, seventh in total defense and ninth in turnover margin.
Which units crack, and which prevail? Regardless which side gives in, it will be a shock. Neither has succumbed yet to an entire season of challenges.
Both teams had the burden of expectation weighing on them since August, and both have carried on without a slip. Both sides are convinced that a national title is their destiny. Both fan bases believe in their inherent superiority.
Somebody is right. Somebody is wrong. The answer awaits, Jan. 4.
Let the buildup commence to a football classic 135 years in the making. |
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| Posted by request by Nick C., orginially posted in December 2002 |
[Dec. 8th, 2004|06:34 pm] |
Angry Dragon
Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.
Arabian Goggles
A "seldom-seen" maneuver when you put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forehead) It may be anatomically impossible, but what the fuck else is new.
The Bait N' Tackle
The sailors used this one in the old Navy days. Before you go off for a long, lonely voyage, get yourself a tall jar and fill it completely with earthworms. When you get lonely, open the jar and fuck away. The earthworms will provide some slithery stimulation, and your protein load will keep them nicely fed. Gone fishing!
Ballsacking
Takes some luck of the gene pool, but if you're able to do it, always great fun. While you are straddling her, take your nutsack and spread it out over her face like pizza dough.
Bear Claw
A synonym for extremely large pussy lips.
Beef Curtain
The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched like Play-Doh from an hour or so of jimmy-jam.
Beer Dick
This is what most guys get after a good night of drinking. They tend to fuck anything with a pussy while experiencing beer dick.
Blumpy
You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.
The Bronco
You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. This gives you the feeling of riding a wild bronco as she desperately tries to buck you off.
Brown Bagging It
Sometimes you meet a girl with a body like there's no tomorrow but a face like a mangy dog. Don't let that body go to waste and let her hideousness stop you from fucking her though. Just draw the smiley face on a brown paper bag, place it over her head, and fuck away while keeping your composure and piece of mind.
Brown Necktie
You're about halfway through ass-wrecking a chick, and instead of filling up her keister with your demonseed, you pull out and proceed to tittie fuck her, leaving a brown streak between the funbags.
Brunski
When a man puts his face between a woman's breasts and quickly moves his head back and forth while saying "Brunski" in a very drawn out and exaggerated manner. (There are many other variant names.)
The Bullwinkle
The sign given to a friend in hiding while doggie styling' some chick. It is performed by placing both hands over the head, with palms facing out and waving wildly. Can be supplemented by shouting "Hey Rocky." (Make sure to use appropriate Bullwinkle voice tone.)
Butter Face
When you see a chick with an awesome body, "but her face", is nasty.
The Canine Special
Liberally apply peanut butter to your dick and call over the family dog. Lick Ubu lick. Good Dog. Arf!
The Carpet Cleaner
While banging a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back, lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first across the carpet. Not recommended with large women.
The Chili Dog
When you take a hot dump on a girl's tits and then proceed to titty fuck her.
Chocolate Pizza
Happily discovering hemorrhoids while eating a shitty brown eye.
Cleveland Steamer
The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penile pleasure from friction between the mammaries.
Cock-Stuffing
Apparently somewhat on the fringe in gay circles, but involves using thin, cylindrical items (thermometers, wire, rubber worms, etc.), and inserting them into the dick hole. Over many months, continue to gradually ream out the hole-at-the-head with larger items, thus ultimately allowing your "buddy" to obtain the goal of fucking your urethra. Wow!
Cold Lunch
The act of vomiting directly onto some chick's head while she's performing fellatio.
The Concoction
First, ejaculate all over the floor. Next, have your psycho bitch girlfriend menstruate on your semen. Stir it with your finger until you get a nice thick pink mixture. Proceed to paint yourselves up silly, just as if you were in kindergarten again.
The Compton Gangbang
You meet a young lady at the bar. She tells you she has a boyfriend, but she ends up going home with you anyway for a one-night stand. When you take her to your place, tell your friends to wait outside your bedroom door. Just when she's about to get off, your friends barge in the room and plainly beat the shit out of her. That should teach her not to fuck around. (Ladies, feel free to perform a Compton Gangbang on guys too. I know you've got some fat girlfriends to help you out.)
Cop's Delight
The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and spewing all over her "pastry buns", thus transforming her rump into the allusion of an oversized, quivering glazed donut.
The Corkscrew
Cross your fingers, middle over index. Twist your wrist back and forth and go to work on your desired orifice. With practice, you'll have the effectiveness of a dill press and within weeks you'll be able to bore through wood.
Corn
Originating from the fine campus of Cornell University comes this unique, rarely used term. Saying that a girl is "Corn" means, she is so fucking hot, so beautiful, so utterly drop-dead gorgeous, that you would happily eat the corn out of her shit. Can be used as a great pick-up line or friendly compliment, for instance; "Baby, you're more Corn than Green Giant", or "Damn bitch, you are Corn!"
Couch Bombing
When you fill a small ziploc sandwich bag with Crisco (or your favorite lubrication) and place it between the cushions on the couch. You then proceed to fuck the couch as if it were a woman...but no need to buy It dinner first
Coyote
This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.
Cum Dumpster
A quadriplegic whore.
Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch
The once in a lifetime act when blowing a hot steamy load down the back of the girl's throat, proceed to give her a large cold bottle of your most favorite carbonated drink and make her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.
Daisy Chain
Partner (A) is sucking off or eating out partner (B) who is sucking off or eating out partner (C) and so on until the final person is sucking off or eating out partner (A). Partners can be gay, lesbian or straight.
Davey Crockett
A sexual maneuver in which you slip muscle relaxants into your gal's snizzpod, then slide your head in, thus wearing your partner's now-relaxed snatch-fur as a coonskin cap. Can come in handy on those cold winter nights.
Dirty Sanchez
A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez.
Dirty Swirly
While boning a chick doggie style near a toilet (preferably one filled with a healthy load of shit, or some hot piss, or both), stick her head in the toilet and flush...she'll dig it.
Dog In A Bathtub
This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
Donkey Punch
Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass, and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female's ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.
Duct Tape Trick
Wrapping a hamster in duct tape so you can safely fuck it without the danger of a messy split.
Dutch Oven
Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you're into that sort of thing).
Dutch Treat
The unexpected result of a Dutch Oven gone terribly awry. Can be very messy.
DVDA
The abbreviation for "double-anal, double-vaginal". This is the term used when a girl takes four cocks in two holes. A hard core porn industry norm.
The Electric Chair
Your psychobitch girlfriend decides she wants to try something kinky, so she props your stupid naive ass up in a chair, strips you down, and ties you up. After arousing you, she then takes a car battery and clamps two jumper cables to each nut sack. This causes you to have all sorts of synapses, spasms, and convulsions. She then mounts your Frankenstein and proceeds to get electrofucked. Warning! May cause erectile dysfunction after performed.
Felching
A gay activity which I do not condone at all. It happens when one fag fucks another fag in the ass and then sucks the jizz out with a straw. Only included for those of you who are considering going to jail. *note: never seen it done with a straw...
The Fish Eye
From behind, you shove both fists in her ass (or his if in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motionsignaling that she has been there and done that.
Fish-Hook
When you pull back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.
The Fire Island
This consists of telling someone you're going to spunk on their face while they are asleep, only half-jokingly, and then when they don't believe you, doing it just to prove that you're that demented.
Flaming Amazon
This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When your screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, you pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then...extinguish the flames with your jizz!
Flooding The Cave
Inserting the penis into a woman's pussy and then urinating inside her. Applies to butt pirates as well.
The Flying Camel
A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a class move.
The Flying Dutchman
This didn't used to be a specific deviant sexual act, it was just a phrase that sounded dirty and would be shouted out during intercourse on occasion simply for the novelty factor. However, its popularity increased and it has now developed into a specific act, namely that of, just as you are about to blow a load, in any sort of sexual situation (even masturbation for those true pioneers who are constantly on the cutting edge of the sexual revolution) you begin to shout, "Here comes the Flying Dutchman!" This should confuse your sexual partner (or whoever is in hearing range) completely, sometimes causing interesting side effects.
The Fountain Of You
While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before you release and spew like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed)
Fur Ball
You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, a mammoth hair ball gets lodged into your throat.
Gobstopper
With two hands, spread your tramp's anus open, then spit a big-ass loogie down the asshole then close it back up. You can give her a smack on the ass when you're done, if you want.
Golden Shower
Any form of dropping piss all over your partner. Great for those who like watersports.
Greek
The act of using your "glue stick" (if you know what I'm saying) and gluing your gal's eyes closed with your man seed. E.g. "Hey guys, check it out, I just greeked her!" or "Sorry honey, but you asked for the Greek salad
Ham And Cheese Sandwich
Eating a woman's box after you ejaculate all over it. A delightful, tasty combination of her yummy meat curtains with your added cheesy topping is sure to appeal to anyone's appetite.
Hershey Highway
When plugging your girl in the ass, you run into some hot diarrhea. Don't hurt her feelings by getting grossed out though, just pretend it's extra lube.
High Dive
The skill of pulling your Johnson all the way out of your partner's hole and in one motion jamming it home again. Best suited for use in the corn hole, but can be very dangerous.
The Hindenburg
When some slut who is so bad at oral sex, you're forced to cry "Oh! The humanity!" as her teeth scrape your man tool.
Hogging
While intoxicated, high, or just plain desperate, you go searching for the fattest bitch you can find and proceed to ride her like a Harley. Best accomplished with large groups friends.
Hole In One
The act of sticking your dick in your own ass. Just try not to get a huge boner once it's in, or you'll get a nice snapparoo.
Hotdog In A Hallway
When laying the pipe, you realize your dick isn't even touching the walls of her vagina, kind of like tossing a hotdog in a hallway. Most frequently happens when banging the neighborhood trick or if you're slinging a small dick.
Hot Karl
The act in which a woman sucks the cock of the same man who moments earlier was balls deep in her can.
Hot Karl Candy Cane
A variation of the above in which the man who is receiving the oral cock cleaning gives the woman a reach around.
Hot Lunch
The result of defecating a tube of shit directly into a girl's mouth.
Hummer
The well known added variation to a blowjob in which a broad hums her favorite tune while she sucks away. The vibrations felt against your dick will most definitely produce a healthy orgasm.
The Hunter Gatherer
You and your partner defecate while 69ing. Pretty much self-explanatory.
The Indian Cock Burn
While a chick sucks you off, she twists her hand around your shaft as if she was trying to give you an Indian burn.
The Jedi Mind Trick
When banging your partner, you repeatedly shout "I'm NOT fucking you, I'm NOT fucking you".
The Jelly Donut
Give some skank a facial and follow it up with a swift pimp crack in the nose. The resulting blood and jizz that covers her face bears a resemblance to a jelly donut.
The Juanita Special Bean Dip
While your tramp rides you like a mechanical bull, insert your thumb into her poop chute (be sure to get your thumb nice and gooey), then stick your brown thumb into her mouth, and slip it under her tongue so she can get the full robust taste of the Juanita "special" bean dip.
Kennebunkport Surprise
The act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunky-style New England clam chowder, and screaming in disgust as you hurl it between your partners legs while eating her out.
Kick-Fucking
The act of receiving sexual pleasure from repeatedly getting kicked in the ass.
The Landshark
The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint: She might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked, walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, (thus imitating the dorsal fin of a shark) and begins chanting the theme to Jaws. When given some predetermined signal, the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis-out, fin protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass.
The Lorena Bobbit
Obviously, this one is for the ladies. When engaging in some hard core booty sex, squeeze your butt cheeks together as tight as you can, and start violently jumping and thrashing your ass around, in an effort to rip his dick off. (To reach true Lorena status, you must take the severed dick for a drive and then toss it out the window.)
The Menthol
The act of getting head from a woman who just moments earlier ate a numerous amounts of cough drops, thus insuring a pleasurable, tingly feeling on your cock.
The Mellon Dive
Headbutting a woman's big fat titties. Always lots of fun.
Monkey Wrench
When some sadistic bitch takes your dick back between your legs and sucks you off.
Monroe Transfer
When you and your partner connect each other's assholes with a tube. One defecates through the tube, thus transferring the turds to the rectum of the other.
The Moped
A chick that's a fun ride until your friends see you on it, if you know what I mean.
The Mork
Made famous by Robin Williams on Mork & Mindy, stick your pinky and ring fingers up a girls ass, then jam your middle and index fingers up her cunt. (Please note: Not complete until you finish it off with a Nanoo-Nanoo!)
Moses
A man who enjoys going down on a woman during her period. Derived from the Biblical figure Moses, who parted the Red Sea.
The Motorboat
While performing oral sex on a girl, flap your lips together on her clit, thus imitating the sound of a motorboat. She'll love you forever.
Muff Teaser
Finger, suck, eat, etc. a girl until she is begging for it. Then rub your stiffy round her golden valley until she screams at you to give her a banging. Right when her frustration is at its highest level, stop and finish with a DIY(do it yourself) handjob. Then leave the room without saying a word. Not to be tried if you want to shack up with the selfish bitch again.
The Mung
Obtain a female that has been dead for 2-3 days (the time period since death is important). Then place your mouth just outside her vaginal opening. Have a friend jump on her stomach, and try to catch as much stuff that comes out as you can in your mouth.
Mushy Biscuit
This is actually a very fun game. Just choose a piece of food that you and your male friends like to eat. Then you and your buddies form a tight circle around the food item and proceed to jerk off all over it. Last one to bust a nut gets the prize of eating the food.
New Jersey Meat-Hook
The unusual method of inserting one's finger in the ass of your partner while screwing her, and feeling her cervix. This procedure is most effective from behind.
New York Style Taco
Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you barf on her box. Happy trails.
The Nixon
A variation of the Bullwinkle in which you give two peace signs as your signal of dominance. May enhance the act by shaking jowls and yelling, "I'm not a crook". This is considered very bold and is frowned upon for those with a modicum of decorum.
Oyster
A derivation of the tea bag which is accomplished by numbing one's testicles with ice and then inserting them in a chicks mouth and letting the tramp munch on them.
Pasadena Mudslide
This happens when you leave a windy shit between the breasts of a woman while you straddle her neck for a blowjob. (A close cousin to the Cleveland Steamer.)
Pattycake
While you're nailing some girl doggie style and your friend is catching some head off the same girl, you get a quick game of pattycake going. This makes you reminisce of your childhood memories and eases the sight of watching your friend blow his load.
Paying The Rent
A position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders, while the man holds the back of her calves and bangs ferociously.
Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich
Shit on a woman's snatch during menstruation. Proceed to munch. Mmmm Mmmm Nasty! (Crunchy or smooth...depending on what you've been eating.)
Pearl Necklace
Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry. Fuck that diamonds are forever shit.
The Pig Roast
While you're plugging some girl's hole doggie style, (up the dirt road or the funhole, pick your poison) she's blowing your best friend's cock at the same time, hence simulating a pig on a spit. Very Similar to Chinese Finger Cuffs.
Pink Glove
Hate when this happens. Every so often a girl is not wet enough during sex. When you finally pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
The Pirate's Treasure
While fucking your girl in the ass, you strike a hefty load of shit. After you've found this buried treasure deep in her booty, you scream, "Argh!", like a pirate.
Plating
Take a clear, glass plate and place it on your partners face, then shit on it. It gives them a nice view without all the messy cleanup. How come you don't see that on any Dawn commercials.
The Popcorn Trick
First, take your girlfriend to the cinemas, for a nice romantic date. Buy a tub of popcorn, wait until the lights dim, and carefully make a hole in the bottom on the tub. Then, inconspicuously insert your penis through the bottom of the tub into the popcorn and casually offer some to your bitch. When she digs in, she will find nice surprise. Who doesn't love buttered popcorn?
Puerto Rican Fog Bank
While 69ing with your partner, release a cloud of sphincter fog directly into her nostrils.
Purple Mushroom
This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom.
Queef
A well known, but sometimes embarrassing occurrence. Queefing happens when air gets trapped in a girls vagina, and makes a soft hissing, or farting kind of a sound while that air is released.
The Ram
When attacking from behind, you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy in those lulls in penile sensitivity.
Rear Admiral
An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive you hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun watch her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips
Red Wings
Another name for navigating the moose knuckle with your tongue while discovering the girl is on her rag. Be a real man and earn your red wings soldier!
Resuscitation
When a girl is asleep, carefully open her mouth so that she doesn't awake. Then, squat over her face and carefully place your shit hole on her lips. When the time is right, you let rip the biggest baddest fart ever known to man and see if it wakes her up. Great fun during those long sleepless nights.
The Roddy Piper
When getting your girl from behind, you toss the sleeper hold on her and knock her out ala Rowdy Roddy Piper. While nailing your unconscious victim, you get to simulate your life long dream of necrophilia. Now you never have to break into the morgue again.
The Rodeo
Similar to the Bronco. You start once again, banging a chick from behind. At a pre-arranged time you grab her hair with one hand just as several buddies bust into the room. See if you can hang on for 8 seconds cowboy. Yee Haw!
The Rose Creeper
Seductively brush a beautiful long stem red rose against your sweetheart's neck, breasts, and inner thigh. Slowly rub the rose along her smooth skin as you tenderly kiss her entire body. After working her into the mood for some deep love making, unzip your fly and pull out your raging boner. Begin to punish-fuck her dumper while whipping her with the rose and screaming nasty obscenities at her. I bet she never saw that coming.
The Rusty Trombone
This is what happens when you've got a less then respectable female (AKA be-yatch) tongue deep in your chute. She wiggles her tongue as she does the reach around to pump you like a Catholic priest doing an Alter Boy, thus mimicking a trombone player.
Sandbag
Under an assumed name in a tropical region, you meet a young hottie and engage in the well known cliche of sex on the beach. Just before insertion, remove the rubber (without getting caught of course), and proceed to bang away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away laughing hysterically while leaving her blinded, butt-necked, and knocked up. Especially lots of fun when accomplished during the spring break season.
The Screwnicorn
When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.
The Seatbelt
While one fag straddles his partners cock, he receives a blowjob from the fruitcake on the bottom.
Shirley Temple
Pour a can of 7-Up on a girl's menstruating pussy and eat her out.
The Shocker
When you insert your index and middle fingers in the woman's vagina and pinky in her anus. After giving her a few good minutes of double duty finger banging, pull your fingers out and give your index and middle finger a quick sniff and pinky a good sucking, all in one smooth motion.(a.k.a. Smoking the Pinky.)
Shop Vac
When a dirty, talented tramp stuffs you're entire package (balls and all) into her mouth, and blows you with amazing suction power.
Shrimping
The term for licking or sucking your partner's toes.
Skiing
While facing in the same direction, a girl gets between two guys and jerks them both off, thus imitating some hardcore cross-country action.
Slumpbuster
When a professional athlete finds the dirtiest, nastiest, fattest, most disease-ridden skank and puts the wood to her with the intent that it will break up a slump.
Snerd Nurgling
The act of moving your anal lovers turds about within his/her lower intestine with your dick. Really popular with the lavender boys, hence the expression, "Oh Lance, Nergle me you Snerd"...
Snoodling
When an uncircumcised homo pulls his extra foreskin over the cock of another homo and proceeds to jerk him off. Those gays have way too much free time. Can be used at as a great derogatory term as in, "You Snoodler!"
Snowball
Ah yes, every man's worst nightmare, the dreaded snowball. This happens when a girl blows you and spits the jizz in your mouth. Another definition is when a girl blows some other guy, and then gives you a hot sloppy kiss with some of that guy's fresh jizz still in her mouth. With all those dirty broads out there, odds are it has happened to you. Just ask your friends if it has, cause they probably already know and have been laughing their asses off at you.
The Snuff
Lovingly fuck the shit out of your virgin or ragging girlfriend and wipe your bloody member across her face. Take a couple Polaroids, show them to your friends, and brag that you're a snuff film superstar.
Stranger
Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, giving you the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
Stranger On The Rocks
Numbing your hand by sticking it in a bucket of ice and then jerking off. Spanken not stirred.
Strangers In The Night
When you and your gay buddy each numb your hand (you should know how by now) and spank each other off. Thus eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else, from someone else.
Stingy Nut
When a chick isn't worth fucking; pull down her pants, bend her over, and jerk off all over her ass.
Sud N' Fud
When trying to bang a girl, she gives that same old story, "I not that kind of girl.", "I don't fuck on the first date.", "I'm catholic.", "Stop asshole.", etc. etc... After hearing all this bullshit, you whip out your handy bar of soap. Then lather up her armpit (or any other joint you prefer), and proceed to fuck that instead.
Surfing
This happens when you nail a fat woman. As you watch the rippling effect of her rolls with every thrust, along with the feeling of being drenched, off balance, out of control, and in danger, you are given the sense of riding the ultimate wave.
Swimmer's Ear
When a girl is giving you a good sucking and right before you erupt, you remove yourself from her mouth, place your purple head in her ear, and fill her ear with some sweet love seed. Hopefully, you will give her an infection.
Tea Bag
To perform the tea bag, have the girl lay flat on her back. Then you squat over her with your hands on your knees, and gently dip your nut sac in and out of her mouth in a motion similar to performing some kind of fucked up yoga exercise.
3-Eyed Turtle
Basically plug every orifice of a girl in the following manner: thumb in ass, fingers in pussy, and dick in mouth.
The Tortoise
When you eat out someone who doesn't have pubic hair yet - i.e. you got there before the hair (hare) did.
Tossing Salad
A common prison act where one person basically chows asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available. (I.e. jelly, syrup, olive oil, etc.)
Tropical Wind
When getting your asshole eaten out by a worthless tramp, you break wind.
Tuna Melt
You're down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just happens to be that time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.
Twisted Sister
Have your dominatrix girlfriend dress up in some hot black leather gimp wear and proceed to handcuff your hands behind your back and then force you to your knees. Unsuspecting, diminutive, and cradled over with your ass is in |
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| Jack move, thanks for the boredom filler Laura |
[Dec. 7th, 2004|11:29 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Dj Green Lantern - Shady Invasion Intro | ] |
1) Use band names/singers to spell your name:
Bad Religion
Eazy-E
Rage Against the Machine
Tupac
2) Have you ever had a song written about you?: nope
3) What song makes you cry? song cry- jay-z.....kidding, i dunno
4) What song makes you happy? jimmy eat world- sweetness
5) What do you like to listen to before bed? fun lovin criminals
a p p e a r a n c e
HEIGHT: 5'10
HAIR COLOR: brown
SKIN COLOR: light mexican
EYE COLOR: brown
PIERCINGS: zero
TATTOOS: Barcode on my neck....kidding, i was gonna steal it from steve.
r i g h t . n o w
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: khaki
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: ain't hard to find, 2 PAC
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: pumpkin pie
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: Raining....why is it raining in LA?
HOW ARE YOU?: im chilling
d o. y o u
GET MOTION SICKNESS?: zero
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: smokin, drinking, gamblin, where should i start?
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: absolutely
LIKE TO DRIVE?: Of course, except i have no car in LA
THE TIME: 1122pm
f a v o r i t e s
TV SHOW: Sportscenter
CONDITIONER: suave 2 in 1
MAGAZINE: playboy and sports illustrated
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: water and milk
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Jack n Coke, Crown n Coke, Celebration Ale
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: work and burn
BAND OR GROUP or SINGER or RAPPER: Face to Face
h a v e . y o u
BROKEN THE LAW: steal from the university, drugs, alcohol, statatory rape
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: nope
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: nope
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: yes
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: numerous
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: nope
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: Oh yeahg
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: yup
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: fell asleep or blacked out? yes
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: nope
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: yes
l o v e
BOYFRIEND: nope
GIRLFRIEND: nope
SEXUALITY: Straight
CHILDREN: Sure, as long as they clean themselves
CURRENT CRUSH: Ummm, fuck, anyone with a nice ass and a cute smile?
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: yeah
BEEN HURT?: not quite, just stunned
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: Not acting a lot quicker
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: no, but i've done worse.
r a n d o m
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: USC Rec Department
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: 2 Pac/G-Unit
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: Knowing I'm coming home
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: I just got LP/Jay-Z
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: Banks, Buck, Game, DJ Green Lantern
w h e n / w h a t . w a s . t h e . l a s t
TIME YOU CRIED?: mayish....
YOU GOT E-MAIL: 20 minutes ago
THING YOU PURCHASED: Eighth of chron
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: Scrubs
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: Kil Bill 2? |
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